Jokes.za.org
South African Jokes
Paddy
Jul 9th
Paddy and Murphy were talking one afternoon when Paddy tells Murphy,
“Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii .. I went to Hawaii and Molly got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas and Molly got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darn me, if Molly didn’t get pregnant again.”
Murphy asks Paddy, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”
Paddy says, “This year I’m taking Molly with me.”
Messing with woman
Sep 19th
Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.”
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!”
The woman said, “That’s okay.”
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to”.
The woman replied, “That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.”
So, KAZAM-she’s the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.”
The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.”
So, KAZAM-she’s the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like a mild heart attack.”
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them.
The 6 best smart ass answers
Aug 31st
SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during a flight on Alaska Airlines.
‘Would you like dinner?’ the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
‘What are my choices?’ John asked.
‘Yes or no,’ she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, ‘Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.’
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, ‘Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
The stock boy replied, ‘No ma’am, they’re dead.’
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,’ the cop said.
The kid replied, ‘Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.’
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.
A sign comes up that reads, ‘ Low Bridge Ahead.’
Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up.
The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, ‘Got stuck, huh?’
The truck driver says, ‘No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.’
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam.
‘Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness,
Or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!’
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
‘What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?’
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says,
‘Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.’
Stages of Sex
Aug 31st
Results of a recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called : Hallway Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the Hallway you both say ‘screw you.’
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And; Last, but not least,
The 7th kind of sex is called: Pension Sex.
* You get a little each month,but not enough to enjoy your self.
