A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
‘Certainly, Sir, that’ll be one cent.’
‘One Cent?’ the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked: ‘How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?’
‘A nickel,’ the barman replied.
‘A nickel?’ exclaimed the man. ‘Where’s the guy who owns this place?’
The bartender replied: ‘Upstairs, with my wife.’
The man asked: ‘What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?’
The bartender replied: ‘The same thing I’m doing to his business down here.’
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A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:
‘I went by your grandma’s house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!’
The biker looks at him and doesn’t say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says: ’I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!’
The biker’s buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, ‘I’ll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!’
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says………………..
‘Grandpa;……. Go home! You’re drunk.’ .
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This is when drinking becomes a problem !
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13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think
you are whispering when you are not.
12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in
dancing like an asshole.
11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell
the same boring story over and over again until your friends want
to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay
shings like thish.
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you
to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to
telephone them at 4 in the morning.
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you
wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over
in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or
name you can’t remember).
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big
guy named Bubba.
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you
are invisible.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
are laughing WITH you.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the
time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of
time may seem to literally disappear.”
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy
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