Jokes.za.org

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during a flight on Alaska Airlines.

‘Would you like dinner?’ the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.

‘What are my choices?’ John asked.

‘Yes or no,’ she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat, she said, ‘Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.’

SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, ‘Do these turkeys get any bigger?’

The stock boy replied, ‘No ma’am, they’re dead.’

SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,’ the cop said.

The kid replied, ‘Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.’

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.

A sign comes up that reads, ‘ Low Bridge Ahead.’

Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.

Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up.

The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, ‘Got stuck, huh?’

The truck driver says, ‘No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.’

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam.

‘Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness,

Or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!’

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,

‘What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?’

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says,

‘Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.’

written by

After British Airways flight BA293 reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: 

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is John Stirk – your captain for today. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from New York JFK to Manchester . The weather ahead is good, and we have a following jet-stream, so we should have a smooth, uneventful flight, arriving 30 minutes before our scheduled landing time. So sit back, relax and ………… OH, SH#T!”

Absolute petrified silence followed from all the 225 passengers!

A few seconds later, the captain came back on the intercom:

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my trousers!”

One relieved passenger broke the silence, and shouted back:

“You should see the back of mine mate!”

written by

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently  wiped  her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.  The  man  went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again,  took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more. 

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious  about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet  again.  As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking  even  more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said,  ”I  couldn’t help but notice that you’ve sneezed three times, wiped your  nose  and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?”

  ”I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition;  whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.”

  The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. I have never  heard of that condition before” he said. “Are you taking anything for  it?”

The woman nodded, “Pepper”

written by admin

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sits down in the aisle seat and puts his black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane ?

The second man explains that he is a Drug Enforcement Agency officer and the dog is a ‘Sniffer dog’. ‘His name is Smithy and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.’

The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says: Watch this.’ He tells Smithy to ‘search’.

Smithy jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.

Smithy then returns to his seat and puts one paw on the agent’s arm.

The agent says, ‘Good boy’, and he turns to the man and says: ‘That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I’m making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.’

‘Say, that’s pretty neat,’ replies the first man.

Once again, the agent sends Smithy to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to his seat and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent’s arm.

The agent says, ‘That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I’m making note of his seat number for the police.’

‘I like it!’ says his seat mate.

The agent then tells Smithy to ‘search’ again.

Smithy walks up and down the aisles for a little while, sits down for a moment and then comes racing back to the agent, jumps into the middle seat and proceeds to poop all over the place.

The first man is really amazed out by this behaviour and can’t figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like this, so he asks the agent ‘What’s going on?’

The agent nervously replies,

‘He just found a bomb !’

written by \\ tags: Animals, Aviation, bombs, dog, dogs

Piet and Anna went to the Garies Landbou Skou every year.

Every year, Piet would ask:

“Anna, ek wil bietjie in daai helikopter vlieg.”

And every year, Anna would answer:

“Jong, Piet, daai helikopter vlug kos vyftig rand. En vyftig rand is vyftig rand!”

One year, Piet and Anna went to the fair again. Piet said: “Jong, Anna, vandag is ek 71 jaar oud. As ek nie nou op daardie helikopter klim nie, dan kan ek maar vergeet.” Anna replies: “Jong Piet, daai helikopter vlug kos vyftig rand. En vyftig rand is vyftig rand!”

The pilot overheard them, and since it was a quiet day, he decided to have some fun. “Ek se julle wat. Ek neem julle altwee vir ‘n rytjie. As julle vir die hele vlug stil bly, dan is die vlug verniet. So nie, dan betaal julle vyftig rand!”

Piet and Anna agree to the conditions, and into the chopper they got..

The pilot took off, and did all sorts of rolls,dives, twists, turns and tricks. Not a word was said. He did all his tricks over again, this time even scaring himself. Still not a word was said.

They landed and the pilot turned to Piet:

“Bliksem! So iets het ek nog nie gesien nie! Ek het tot myself bang gevlieg, maar julle twee het niks gese nie!”

Piet replied: “Ek wou so graag iets gese het toe Anna uitgemoer het, maar vyftig rand is vyftig rand!”

written by