Jokes.za.org

Die baas wil Blondie se wiskunde toets..

Baas: ‘As ek vir jou 5 miljoen rand gee, minus 10%, hoeveel trek jy af?’

Blondie: ‘Alles, Meneer! Skoene, rok, bra, pantie – ALLES !!!’

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An Aussie walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive
woman.
He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, ‘Is your date running late?’
‘No’, he replies,’I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..’
The intrigued woman says, ‘a state-of-the-art watch?
”What’s so special about it?’
The Aussie explains, ‘It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.’
The lady says, ‘What’s it telling you now?’

Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.’
The woman giggles and replies
‘Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!’

The Aussie smiles, taps his watch and says,
‘ Bloody thing’s an hour fast!’

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An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde chap were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. 

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.” 

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed: “Burritos again! If I get Burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.” 

The blonde opened his lunch and said, “Polony  again! If I get another  polony sandwich again , I’m jumping too.” 

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. 

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a Burritos, and jumped, too 

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the  polony  and jumped to his death as well. 

At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!” 

The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realise he hated Burritos so much.” 

(Oh this is GOOD!!)? 

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife. The blonde’s wife said, 

Moenie na my kyk nie! Hy maak sy eie fokken toebroodjies.

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One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!”

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President Bush and VP Cheney are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, ‘Isn’t that Bush and Cheney sitting over there?’

The bartender says, ‘Yep, that’s them.’
So the guy walks over and says, ‘Wow, this is a Real honor! What are you guys doing in here?’ Bush says, ‘We’re planning WW III.’
The guy says, ‘Really? What’s going to happen?’
Bush says, ‘Well, we’re going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.
The guy exclaimed, ‘A blonde with big tits?

Why kill a blonde with big tits?’

Bush turns to Cheney and says, ‘See, I told you,
No one gives a shit about the 140 million Muslims’.

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