A quickie in the bushes
There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life..
The angel tells them, ‘As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty Minutes to do what you’ve wished to do the most.’
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them, ‘Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?’
He asks her ‘Shall we?’ She eagerly replies, ‘Oh, yes, let’s! But let’s change positions. This time, I’ll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head.’
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A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning…
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks
into his small bowl. It is empty.
“Who’s been eating my porridge?” he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks
into his big bowl and it is also empty.
“Who’s been eating my porridge?!?” he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and
yells,
“For God’s sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you
idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke
everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy
Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.
It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.It was Mummy Bear who
went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and
croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.”
“It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat’s litter
tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.”
“And now that you’ve decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and
grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because
I’m only going to say this once….
I HAVEN’T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!”
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