Jokes.za.org

After  having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that that was enough, as they couldn’t afford a larger bed. So the husband  went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to  have any more children..

The doctor  told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the  problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go  home, get a large firecracker, light it, putit in a beer can, then  hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The husband  said to the doctor, “B’Jayzus, I may not be the smartest guy in the  world, but I don’t see how putting a firework in a beer can next to  my ear is going to help me with my problem.”

“Trust me, it  will do the job”, said the doctor.

So the man  went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can  up to his ear and began to count:

“1, 2, 3, 4,  5,” at which point he paused, and placed the beer can between his  legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.

This  procedure also works in New Zealand and Tasmania .

written by

Van has a Petrol station in Poffadder and was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, “Free Sex with every Fill-Up.”

Soon Koos pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. Van told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. Koos guessed 8 and Van said, “You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.”

A week later, Koos along with his buddy Frikkie, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. Van again asked him to guess the correct number. He guessed 2 this time. Van said, “Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.”

As they were driving away, Koos said to Frikkie, “I think that game is rigged and he doesn’t really give away free sex.” Frikkie replied, ” Nooooit, it’s not rigged. My wife won twice last week.”

written by

written by

Two Aussie builders (Phil and Eric) are seated either 

side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a

beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to 

speculate about the occupation of the suit.

Phil: – I reckon he’s an accountant. 

Eric: – No way – he’s a stockbroker. 

Phil: – He ain’t no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn’t come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Phil and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.

Phil: – ‘Scuse me.. No offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?

Suit: – No offence taken! I’m a Logical Scientist by profession.

Phil: – Oh! What’s that then? 

Suit: – I’ll try to explain by example… Do you have a goldfish at home?

Phil: – Er… Mmm . Well yeah, I do as it happens! 

Suit: – Well, it’s logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

Phil: – It’s in a pond! 

Suit: – Well then it’s reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden

Phil: – As it happens, yes I have got a big garden! 

Suit: – Well then it’s logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?

Phil: – As it happens I’ve got a five-bedroom house…built it myself!

Suit: – Well given that you’ve built a five-bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven’t built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?

Phil: – Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children.

Suit: – Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?

Phil:- Yep! Four nights a week! 

Suit: – Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?

Phil: – Me? Never. 

Suit: – Well there you are! That’s logical science at work!

Phil: – How’s that then? 

Suit: – Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I’ve told you about your sex life!

Phil: – I see! That’s pretty impressive…thanks mate! 

Both leave the toilet and Phil returns to his mate. 

Eric: – I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Phil: – Yep! He’s a logical scientist! 

Eric: – What’s that then? 

Phil: – I’ll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish? 

Eric: – Nope. 

Phil: – Well then, you’re a wanker.

written by \\ tags: Aussies, Idiots

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!”

written by