Irish logic solves the national debt problem. Somebody tell George Osborne….
It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town.
The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.
Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a 100 Euro note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.
The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the 100 Euro note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the 100 Euro note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the 100 Euro note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers’ Co-op takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the pub. The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him “services” on credit.
The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the 100 Euro note. The hotel proprietor then places the 100 Euro note back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the 100 Euro note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.
No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works.
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Paddy and Murphy were talking one afternoon when Paddy tells Murphy,
“Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii .. I went to Hawaii and Molly got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas and Molly got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darn me, if Molly didn’t get pregnant again.”
Murphy asks Paddy, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”
Paddy says, “This year I’m taking Molly with me.”
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An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde chap were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.”
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed: “Burritos again! If I get Burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”
The blonde opened his lunch and said, “Polony again! If I get another polony sandwich again , I’m jumping too.”
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a Burritos, and jumped, too
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the polony and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”
The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realise he hated Burritos so much.”
(Oh this is GOOD!!)?
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife. The blonde’s wife said,
Moenie na my kyk nie! Hy maak sy eie fokken toebroodjies.
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Englishman’s wife steps up to the first tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. “Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any knickers?” her husband demanded. “Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any,”she replied.
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.”
Next, the Irishman’s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. “Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You’ve no knickers. Why not?” She replies, “I can’t afford any on the money you give me.” He reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s 20.Go and buy yourself some underwear!”
Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. “Sweet mudder of Jasus, Maggie! Where the fook are yer drawers?” She too explains, “You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.” The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says “Well, fer the love ‘o jasus, ‘n the sake of decency, here’s a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit.”
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An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return, her father cussed her. “Where have ye been all this
time?
Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call?
Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff….dad….I became a
prostitute….”
“Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.”
“OK, dad– as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur
coat, title deed to a ten-bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate
for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy,
the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked
outside plus a membership in the country club … (takes a breath) … and an
invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board me new yacht in
the Riviera, and….”
“Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says dad.
Girl, crying again, “Sniff, sniff … a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.”
“Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant’. Come here and give yer old man a hug!”
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