Jokes.za.org

A quickie in the bushes

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life..

The angel tells them, ‘As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty Minutes to do what you’ve wished to do the most.’

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, ‘Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?’

He asks her ‘Shall we?’ She eagerly replies, ‘Oh, yes, let’s! But let’s change positions. This time, I’ll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head.’

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The only cow in a small Karoo town stopped giving milk.

The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow in Bloemfontein for R200.

They brought the cow from Bloemfontein and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening. “Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side.”

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you by chance, buy this cow in Bloemfontein ?”

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. “You are truly a wise Vet,” they said.

“How did you know we got the cow in Bloemfontein ?”

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, “My wife is from Bloemfontein .”

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Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis, by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays soun-mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’

Immediately Edna replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?’

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A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married
to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping
room on a Trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they
were both very tired and fell asleep quickly…

He in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,
Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach
into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.’

I have a better idea,’ she replied . ‘Just for tonight, let’s
pretend that we’re married.’

Wow! That’s a great idea!’ he exclaimed.

Good,’ she replied. ‘Get your own fuckin’ blanket.’

After a moment of silence, he farted.

The End

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