After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that that was enough, as they couldn’t afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children..
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it, putit in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The husband said to the doctor, “B’Jayzus, I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don’t see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem.”
“Trust me, it will do the job”, said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:
“1, 2, 3, 4, 5,” at which point he paused, and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in New Zealand and Tasmania .
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80 yr old man: My 28 yr old wife is pregnant, your opinion Doctor?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle and BANG… The lion drops dead!
Old man: That’s impossible; someone else must have shot the lion.
Doctor: MY POINT EXACTLY!
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An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results.
The doctor says, ‘George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally. Are you at peace with God?’
George replies, ‘God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the Bathroom, *poof *!, the light goes on. When I’m done, *poof *!, the Light goes off.’
‘Wow, that’s incredible,’ the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls George’s wife.
‘Ethel,’ he says, ‘George is fine but I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof *!, the light goes on in The bathroom, and when he’s done, *poof *! The light goes off?’
‘OH MY GOD!’ Ethel exclaims.
‘He’s pissing in the fridge again!!!!
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Could this be the answer?
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives.
By following the simple advice I heard on a Medical TV show, I have finally found inner peace.
A Doctor proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn’t finished and, before leaving the house this morning.
I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke an a box a chocolets.
Yu haf no idr who fukin gud I fel
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n Man kla by sy vriend dat sy elmboog al lank baie seer is en die dokter kan niks daar aan doen nie. Sy vriend vertel hom van ‘n dokter wat sy pa se rug pyn behandel en laat verdwyn het binne ‘n paar minute nadat hy ‘n pie monster ontleed het. Die ou reken dis mos twak, maar hy sal die dokter gaan sien.
Die dokter vra hom om in die botteltjie te pie. Die man gaan huis toe en dog by homself, ek sal die dokter rond etter en hy vra sy suster om in die bottel te pie, hy vang so ‘n bietjie van sy hond se pie in die bottel en laastens na so ‘n paar trekke vang hy ‘n paar druppels van homself in die bottel.
By die dokter aangekom, skud die Dokter die botteljie en bekyk dit so teen die lig en sê, ” hierdie een is moeilik, dit sal so ‘n bietjie tyd neem om te ontleed, gee my so tien minute”. “Ek het jou bliksem” dink die man.
Na tien minute roep die dokter hom in en sê, “jou suster is verwagtend, jou hond het ‘n nierkwaal en as jy nie ophou riem ruk nie, sal jou elmboog nooit beter word nie”
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