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A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?

“The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, “About 2 hours.”

The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around the shop and said, “About 3 hours.”

The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop and said, “About an hour and half.”

The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, “Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn’t ever come back.”

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, “So where does that guy go when he leaves?”

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said……..

“Your house!”

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80 yr old man: My 28 yr old wife is pregnant, your opinion Doctor?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle and BANG… The lion drops dead!

Old man: That’s impossible; someone else must have shot the lion.

Doctor: MY POINT EXACTLY!

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This Joke is a bit rough, I wouldn't want some innocent kid reading this, so please....

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Two Aussie builders (Phil and Eric) are seated either 

side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a

beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to 

speculate about the occupation of the suit.

Phil: – I reckon he’s an accountant. 

Eric: – No way – he’s a stockbroker. 

Phil: – He ain’t no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn’t come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Phil and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.

Phil: – ‘Scuse me.. No offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?

Suit: – No offence taken! I’m a Logical Scientist by profession.

Phil: – Oh! What’s that then? 

Suit: – I’ll try to explain by example… Do you have a goldfish at home?

Phil: – Er… Mmm . Well yeah, I do as it happens! 

Suit: – Well, it’s logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

Phil: – It’s in a pond! 

Suit: – Well then it’s reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden

Phil: – As it happens, yes I have got a big garden! 

Suit: – Well then it’s logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?

Phil: – As it happens I’ve got a five-bedroom house…built it myself!

Suit: – Well given that you’ve built a five-bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven’t built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?

Phil: – Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children.

Suit: – Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?

Phil:- Yep! Four nights a week! 

Suit: – Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?

Phil: – Me? Never. 

Suit: – Well there you are! That’s logical science at work!

Phil: – How’s that then? 

Suit: – Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I’ve told you about your sex life!

Phil: – I see! That’s pretty impressive…thanks mate! 

Both leave the toilet and Phil returns to his mate. 

Eric: – I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Phil: – Yep! He’s a logical scientist! 

Eric: – What’s that then? 

Phil: – I’ll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish? 

Eric: – Nope. 

Phil: – Well then, you’re a wanker.

written by \\ tags: Aussies, Idiots

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently  wiped  her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.  The  man  went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again,  took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more. 

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious  about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet  again.  As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking  even  more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said,  ”I  couldn’t help but notice that you’ve sneezed three times, wiped your  nose  and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?”

  ”I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition;  whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.”

  The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. I have never  heard of that condition before” he said. “Are you taking anything for  it?”

The woman nodded, “Pepper”

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