Jokes.za.org

Recent studies have shown increasing demand of people not only seeking life insurance, but more specifically Sex-Insurance.

The insurance companies have formulated the following options:

Option 1:If you sleep with your wife

- LEGAL & GENERAL

Option 2:If you sleep with your wife in your car

- AUTO &GENERAL

Option 3:If you sleep with someone else’s wife:

- MUTUAL & FEDERAL

Option 4:Sleeping with your mother-in-law

- OLD MUTUAL

Option 5:If you sleep with a Muslim-girl

- SANLAM

Option 6:Sleeping with more than one person at the same time

- PRESTASIE MULTIPLEX

Option 7:Taking advantage of the person you sleep with

- LIBERTY LIFE

Option 8:Man sleeping with another man

- HOLLARD

Option 9:Having sex on the spur of the moment

- MOMENTUM

Option 10:Sleeping with your ex-wife

- OUTSURANCE

Option 11:Sleeping with a prostitute

- BUDGET

Option 12:Having sex with someone you don’t even know

- DISCOVERY

Option 13:Having sex with a virgin.

-First for women

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A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding…

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Traffic Cop: Yes ma’am, I’m afraid you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don’t have one.

Traffic Cop: Don’t have one?

Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Traffic Cop: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can’t do that.

Traffic Cop: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Traffic Cop: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Traffic Cop: You what!?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The traffic cop is quite stunned.

Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license quizzically.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!

Older Woman: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.

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Guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter says , ‘Male or female?’

Customer says , ‘Female.’
Counter guy asks , ‘Black or white?

Customer says , ‘White.’
Counter guy asks , ‘Christian or Muslim?’

Customer says , ‘What the hell does religion have to do with it?’
Counter guy says , ‘The Muslim one blows itself up.’

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Jannie kom terug van sy finale ambulansman eksamen, in ekstase, en skree vir sy vrou:”PAK IN! PAK IN! PAK IN! Ons kan uiteindelik bekostig om uit die klein plekkie uit te trek!”

Sy vroutjie vra opgewonde: “Was die eksamen maklik? Sal jy deur wees?”

Jannie sê: “Ja, baie maklik, net een vraag gekry!”

Hulle het gevra: Jy kom op ‘n ongeluks toneel van n vrou af en jy moet jou hand plaas op ‘n plek om te voel f sy nog lewe. Die woord begin met ‘n P en eindig met n S”.

Sy vroutjie val hom opgewonde in die rede: “POLS, ja dit is maklik”.

Jannie skree: “AG NEE! PAK UIT! PAK UIT! PAK UIT!”

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I hate people that say, “He’s a nice person once you get to know him.”

They might as well just say, “He’s a dickhead, but you’ll get used to it.”

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